I haven’t spoken to you guys for a couple weeks now I’ve been busy exhibiting my wears in Ferrara Italy. I had a fabulous time at the Liberated Dreams exhibition with Paola Trevisan… and I won an award. The Lucrezia Borgia Prize. It was a sensational surprise and an honour to be recognized by my peers. So as I sat down to talk to you a pang of anxiety and guilt went through my mind… I haven’t finished this work yet!

Sometimes I think the world is moving a little too fast with our “Now! NOW!” expectations.  Are we losing sight of the intricacies involved in work that takes time? When we look at art we marvel at its detail, its emotion, its technique but rarely do we marvel at the fact it took less time to do than the last piece. Even my six year old said to me the other day “Your time starts now!” what’s with that?

Some things are faster than others and some take time.I’ve always been a quality over quantity girl and stand proud to defend its longevity and ongoing appreciation. So our frustrations when we question how long something should take must depend on the individual piece. Time wasting and incompetence is one thing but taking time for a genuine creative process is another. If we are to make a change, considered thought must be a priority. Time is precious and must be respected or we are wasting it. Let’s appreciate speed when the subject deserves it and not make it the only quality we look for.

Now instead of my rant maybe it’s better to ask why is this taking so much time? Because I’ve found answers along the way and necessary changes for the work to be best it can. This takes time, the creative is a growing process for the creator and the viewer.

I reckon I’m close.

This work is about finding clarity and sometimes that takes time.

Unfortunately I will be judged on all the wrong information…..Is karma getting its own back on me for my cocky early twenties when listening wasn’t my greatest virtue? I have always said “everyone gets a turn!”

Let’s call her Lois Lane. It all started when I opened the door and I immediately thought, she’s a bit young. Within moments of the interview I could tell she was not very experienced and I felt very uncomfortable. Her questions were naive and many totally irrelevant. In turn this made me defensive. Lois didn’t record the interview but chose to write everything down. I believe this was her/my undoing resulting in the wrong information being published. I can go on… but why?

It was my initial insensitive perception of her that had a knock on effect that subsequncely resulted in mutual misunderstanding of each other. We are all so quick to judge and remember what we choose for its strategic or emotional purpose. We all have been guilty of judging without correct guidance, too young, too old, inexperienced, uneducated, the list goes on but the key is to remember these quick judgements may have consequences. At one stage we have or will all fit into one of those slots.

My interwoven colours became tangled threads yet again.

Don’t judge me on this work so far, it’s not finished, it needs lots of fine tuning.

One thing for sure the devil will not be in the lack of detail.

Last time I was talking to you regarding this work I wasn’t satisfied and I believed it needed more intensity and it was kinda a make or break moment. To take it to the next level the work need to be painted over again and a new series of paths had to duck and weave over the previous two layers. These are the paths so far.

I know it looks a little crazy but so did the previous layer before this and the one before that, each looked overwhelming yet both were completed and I asked for more, albeit a little daunting.

Once these paths are found, they will be given colour. No longer will I see them as tangled threads but interwoven colours.

Now I see the big picture…

My dilemma with this work is it’s free spirit and I’m not really sure if I’m leading or following. The thought of mucking up in front of everyone is making a sensitive girl like me a little anxious but I did commit to cyberspace and showing you the process of each work so I must keep travelling through it.

I’m at the point of questioning plan versus gut feeling. Changing something, taking that other path at the fork in the road and doing it so publicly is all a little daunting but taking the big steps is what this work is all about.

It made such a difference when the path had a colour, but it has teased me along the way. I found myself concentrating so hard on its direction that I was often failing to see what was right in front of me and I was getting confused and disorientated. The key was to stop, but not walk away. Look away for a moment then refocus and continue. I did choose to take different forks in the road at times and lost my way at others but so very happily rediscovered the path at another crossroad.

I will always follow my gut feeling even if it’s not in the original plan, so here goes, I’m not done yet! I need more intensity. This painting needs to go further and I need another layer of threads, and so begins another big risk, big step…in full view of an audience.

Life’s “Tangled Threads”.

See what happens next week…

I’m ready to get focused again on my new work. Over the last week while sitting in my studio working on businessy stuff, this painting has been politely tapping me on the shoulder and now it’s time to take it on.

There seems to be a natural progression taking place with my love of interwoven threads. This works plays with the viewer and offers them a maze to follow and get lost in. I know it looks like I’m getting more and more tangled but in actual fact each thread is getting clearer for me and revealing a defined path. Let’s hope there’s treasure at the end. I am enjoying the game. The next process is to separate each thread with colour and this will help relax the viewing of the work.

This work of tangled threads is about taking the “big steps” in our lives and the overwhelming fear of confusion with the first glance and about hope, which if pursued a path can be found towards clarity.

Some experiences have become clearer in their importance while others that were a big deal at the time almost insignificant. Maybe because I’m looking back and not emursed in the emotion of the moment I can feel lighter about them.

Happily with every dark layer I see the lighter one not far behind. It appears the world keeps moving and a new adventure is not far away. The colours I’ve painted so far have only presented themselves on reflection from the previous story, for example so far I have shown three lovers in this work and they all present as different colours.

I haven’t finished this work yet, as it is taking time as only reflection can. One thing I do know is that none of these layers define me, they enrich and give me complexities and if I choose they have the power to give me compassion and understanding of others.

I feel I’m getting closer to my freedom.

Searching for peace.

The times in my life that went into moulding me, the stages in my life that made a profound difference to the next.

What makes me sensitive, guarded, happy and at times opinionated? I can remember things that happened in the past and they can still make me cry if I’m having a melancholy day. Should I damn those memories or applaud them for making me “me”.

Am I as good as the people that surround me or am I “only” as good as those people? Will I be judged by others because of them? When do I give myself the freedom of my own thought or must it be a consequence of others.

So I need to dig, excavate and break down the layers. Have a closer look at when differences happened. These layers should help me with my “Why”.

Start with infancy and go through school, puberty and then onwards. So far it’s been interesting looking back on my school colours and they look better now I’m older. Isn’t funny how we can all remember those uniforms and some to this day cannot wear a particular shade because it reminds them of school? Little things that make us, “Us”.

This is a personal and interesting process for me because it’s not always easy to look that close.

Freedom: The power of self determination (The Australian Concise Oxford Dictionary)

Traditionally I paint works that play with your focus and now l’m working on a piece about focus…….easier said than done!

The more I work on this piece the more I question what feels natural to paint, what makes me happy?  I soon realized I like the chaos, I like the intensity of lots of different going-ons. It excites and challenges the way I see things.

This is as long as I can remember to stand back and “Breathe”.

The configuration of this painting is made up of thousands of round balls all falling on each other. The work is detailed and time consuming as each ball needs a number of coats to give it depth of colour (good old oil paint!).

Patience has never been my best friend but it certainly is a necessary ally. By standing back and taking a deep breath this annoying friend helps me focus to see clearly. It helps to ground me and see the truth of the work I’m in the middle of creating.

Once I have finished with this stage I’ll have to take a breather and have a look with fresh eyes tomorrow.

Ah searching for peace……Remember to Breathe!   

At this stage, this painting is not peaceful. In order to reach the final stage, it needed to pass through an almost chaotic process, to challenge the next phase and find peace.

I also realized Peace comes with a consequence and can only be achieved when it has is a followed a previous place that was uncomfortable or unsettling. Only after those experiences can you experience the high of “Peace”. It is the calm after the chaos. It’s the moment between breaths.